I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
