i think my tv is drunk
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
