just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
