yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
