He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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