I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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