omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Houston, we have a blender
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
