Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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