Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We need to rekindle our bromance
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i think i just lost a toe
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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