Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
either way he was missing a nipple.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
