You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
