my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
