I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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