Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
