We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Randomize
