i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize