I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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