He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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