two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
