Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
