Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
