Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I need to align my fucking chakras
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
