i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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