why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
