i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
