He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
