I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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