I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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