he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
