Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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