so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
