that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
