I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
