ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
