if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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