You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
