Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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