she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
