I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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