He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
