I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
As shirtless as possible
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
