so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
