You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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