Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
