So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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