Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize