i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
