I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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