It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
