the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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