I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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