I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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