This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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