The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
