I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize