he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize