You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We were destined to go to rehab together
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
