my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I AM VODKA MAN
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
