i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
