i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
