Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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