Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
