Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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