he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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