worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
