If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
