You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
