If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sober January is a disaster.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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