o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
