I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize