He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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