Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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