a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
